LOST the MUSICAL!
by sk8r-grl
Summary: Charlie helps Desmond become popular, Kate and Ben are tied up and EVERYONE is breaking into song! i do not! mean to rip off these songs!


**LOST ****the**** MUSICAL!**

Desmond had saved Charlie from the Looking Glass! Charlie is beginning to regain consciousness. Charlie hugs Desmond gratefully...until he sees Desmon'd hideous hair. And how ugly his shirt is! Seriously, this island was no mall, but Desmond couldn't be wearing THAT! Charlie nods, deciding to repay Desmond for saving his life.

Charlie: Desmond, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project.

Desmond(raises eyebrow): You really don't have to do that.

Charlie: I know, that's what makes me so nice!

Charlie(singing): Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I

And let's face it, who isn't

Less fortunate than I? (Desmond opens mouth to speak, but closes it abruptly)

My tender heart

Tends to start

To bleed

And when someone needs a makeover

I simply have to take over

I know, I know

Exactly what they need

And even in your case

Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face (Desmond pulls a face)

Don't worry I'm determined to succeed

Follow my lead

And, yes indeed

You. Will. Be

Popular

You're gonna be popular

I'll teach you the proper whirls

When you talk to girls

Little ways to flirt and flounce--oh!

I'll show you what shoes to wear(Charlie tosses Nike brand shoes at Desmond, knocking him over)

How to fix your hair (Charlie brushes and parts Desmond's hair quickly)

Everything that really counts

To be popular

I'll help you be popular

You'll hang with the right cohorts

You'll be good at sports

Know the slang you've to know

So, let's start

'Cuz you've got an awfully long way to go (Desmond: HEY!)

Don't be offended by my frank analysis

Think of it as personality dialysis

Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a bro-ther, and advisor

There's nobody wiser

Not when it comes to popular

I know about popular

And with an assist from me

To be who you'll be

Instead of dreary who you were

Well--are

There's nothing that can stop you from

Becoming populer--lar

(Charlie twirls around the beach)La, la, la, la

We're gonna make you

Pop.u.lar

When I see depressing creatures

With unprepossesing features

I remind them on their own behalf

To think of

Celebrated heads of state or

'Specially great communicators

Did they have brains or knowledge?

Don't make me laugh

They were popular

Please! It's all about popular

It's not about aptitude,

It's the way you're viewed

So, it's very shrewd to be

Very, very popular

Like me

Charlie(spoken): Why, mister Desmond, look at you...You're beautiful.

Desmond(spoken): I-I have to go.

Charlie: You're welcome.

Charlie(singing): And, though, you protest

Your disinterest

I know clandestiny

You're gonna grin and bear it

Your new found popularity

(Charlie skips and twirls around the beach)La, la, la, la

You'll be popular

Just not quite as popular as

Me-e-e-e!

Charlie watches as Desmond runs off. He smiles, folding his arms. He walks off to speak with Claire.

Meanwhile, Sawyer and Jack are chasing down Ben, who has escaped. Suddenly an Other jumps from the bushes at Jack. Jack screams like a girl, bracing himself. Gunshot rings through the jungle. The Other's dead, bloody body lands on top of Jack. Jack looks at Sawyer and sees the southerner putting away his gun.

Jack: Sawyer! You saved me!

Sawyer: That's what friends are for.

Jack(amazed and shocked): _Friends?!?_

Sawyer(singing): So no one told you life was gonna be this way (Sawyer claps rapidly)  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's P.D.A. (Jack: I think it's D.O.A...)  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear  
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year but..  
I'll be there for you (Jack(loudly): Get this dead body off me!)  
(Sawyer picks up the dead body and throws it across the field)When the rain starts to pour  
I'll be there for you  
Like I've been there before  
I'll be there for you  
'Cuz you're there for me too...  
You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight  
You've burned your breakfast so far... things are goin' great  
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these  
Oh but she didn't tell you when the world has brought  
You down to your knees that...  
I'll be there for you  
When the rain starts to pour  
I'll be there for you  
Like I've been there before  
I'll be there for you  
'Cuz you're there for me too...  
No one could ever know me  
No one could ever see me  
Seems you're the only one who knows  
What it's like to be me  
Someone to face the day with  
Make it through all the rest with  
Someone I'll always laugh with  
Even at my worst I'm best with you, yeah  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear  
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,  
or even your year...  
I'll be there for you  
When the rain starts to pour  
I'll be there for you  
Like I've been there before  
I'll be there for you  
'Cuz you're there for me too (Sawyer begins to dance around happily.)  
I'll be there for you  
I'll be there for you  
I'll be there for you  
'Cuz you're there for me too...

Jack: Sawyer, uh, why are you dancing?

Sawyer dances off into the jungle, humming the tune of _Friends_. Jack sighs and follows huffily. They finally find Ben and drag him back to the beach.

Ben: Will you PLEASE get your friend to stop singing that rediculous song?

Sawyer: I'll be there for yo-o-ou!!

Jack: Sawyer, I get it! We're friends.

Sawyer(claps joyously): Yeah!

Kate walks up and helps Jack tie up Ben. They are both quiet. Jack heads off to see Juliette. Kate burns with jealousy. She walks over to Scott, her OTHER lover and kisses him passionately. Scott smiles and holds Kate at arm's length.

_Scott: _I'm limited. Just look at me - I'm limited  
And just look at you -You can do all I couldn't do, Kate.  
So now it's up to you  
_(spoken)_ For both of us  
_(sung)_ Now it's up to you:  
Kate: I've heard it said  
That people come into our lives for a reason  
Bringing something we must learn  
And we are led  
To those who help us most to grow  
If we let them  
And we help them in return  
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true  
But I know I'm who I am today  
Because I knew you:  
Like a comet pulled from orbit  
As it passes a sun  
Like a stream that meets a boulder  
Halfway through the wood  
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
But because I knew you  
I have been changed for good  
_Scott:_ It well may be  
That we will never meet again  
In this lifetime  
So let me say before we part  
So much of me  
Is made of what I learned from you  
You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart  
And now whatever way our stories end  
I know you have re-written mine  
By being my friend:  
Like a ship blown from its mooring  
By a wind off the sea  
Like a seed dropped by a skybird  
In a distant wood  
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
But because I knew you:  
Kate: Because I knew you:  
Both: have been changed for good  
_Scott: _And just to clear the air  
I ask forgiveness  
For the things I've done you blame me for  
Kate: But then, I guess we know  
There's blame to share  
Both: And none of it seems to matter anymore  
_Scott_ Kate  
_Like a comet pulled_ Like a ship blown  
_From orbit as it _ Off it's mooring  
_Passes a sun, like _ By a wind off the  
_A stream that meets_ Sea, like a seed  
_A boulder, half-way_ Dropped by a  
_Through the wood_ Bird in the wood  
Both: Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
I do believe I have been changed for the better?  
Kate: And because I knew you:  
_Scott:_ Because I knew you:  
Both: Because I knew you:  
Kate(raises gun and shoots Scott dead): I have changed for good!

Kate is unaware Jack has seen her horrible murder. Jack immediately takes hold of Kate and ties her to a tree beside Ben. Ben looks up from watching a crab scuttling in the sand. He meets Kate's gaze.

Kate(nods): Hey, Ben, what's cracking?

Ben: Nothing much.

Meanwhile, Claire is folding Aaron's blankets when Locke approaches her. Locke sighs, taking a seat in Claire's hut.

Claire: What's wrong?

Locke(mutters): Everything.

Claire(laughs nervously): What do you mean?

Locke: My life is so...

Claire: Pointless? Stupid? Annoying to all those around you?

Locke(sarcastically): Thanks.

Claire(shrugs): Hey, I'm just pointing out the obvious.

Locke(singing):I hate this bar and I hate to drink, (Claire: We're on an island...there is no bar.)  
But on second thought, today I think I hate everything.  
Then I opened up my billfold and threw a 20 down  
And a faded photograph fell out and hit the ground  
And he(Claire(yelling):Who is HE?!?) picked it up I said Thank ya bud.  
He put it in my hand, I said I probably oughta throw  
This one away, 'cause she's the reason I feel this way,  
I hate everything.  
I hate my job, and I hate my life.  
If it weren't for my two kids, I'd hate my ex-wife. (Claire: Uh, you were never married and you don't have kids...)  
I know I should move on and try to start again,  
But I just can't get over her leaving me for him.  
Then I shook my head and looked down at my ring,  
And said I hate everything.  
I said, That one bedroom apartment where I get my mail,  
Is really not a home, it's more like a jail,  
With a swimming pool and a parking lot view. Man, it's just great!  
I hate summer, winter, fall, and spring,  
Red and yellow, purple, blue and green.  
I hate everything.  
I hate my job, and I hate my life.  
If it werent for my two kids, I'd hate my ex-wife.  
I know I should move on and try to start again,  
But I just can't get over her leaving me for him.  
Then I shook his head and looked down at my ring,  
And said I hate everything.  
Locke(spoken):Yeah, I hate everything.

Claire: I knew you were bitter, but that was...

Locke: Beautiful? Well pitched?

Claire: No, it was odd and off-key...And, I'm pretty sure you need counceling.

Locke storms off. That's when Claire sees Charlie, he's running up the beach towards her hut! Claire leaps to her feet, setting Aaron in his crib. She leaps into Charlie's arms when he reaches her.

Claire(weeping): I thought I'd never see you again!

Charlie(hugs her tightly): No, I had to be here for you...And for Aaron!

Claire(singing): It's the last night on earth before the great divide  
My hands are shaking time was never on our side  
And there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye  
As an ordinary day I prayed for you a thousand times  
It's never enough  
No matter how many times I tried to tell to tell you this is love

If tomorrow never comes I want you to know right now that I  
I'm gonna love you until the day I die  
If tomorrow falls asleep can you hold me first  
I'm gonna love you like it's the last night on earth  
Like it's the last night on earth

Charlie(singing):A penny for your thoughts  
A picture so it lasts  
Let's knock down the walls of immortality  
Your fingers on my skin only you can hear my fear  
Only you can help me heal  
I see forever with you here

It's never enough no matter how many miles stand between us this is love

If tomorrow never comes I want you to know right now that I  
I'm gonna love you until the day I die  
If tomorrow falls asleep can you hold me first  
I'm gonna love you like it's the last night on earth

Claire(singing):It's never enough  
No it's never enough  
(it's never enough)  
Oohh

Charlie(singing):The afterglow  
The horizon line  
The shadows fall  
Will you still be mine  
Will you still be mine  
Will you still be mine I ask

Both(singing):If tomorrow never comes I want you to know right now that I  
I'm gonna love you until the day I die  
If tomorrow falls asleep can you hold me first  
I'm gonna love you like it's the last night on earth

Charlie embraces Claire and gives her the deepest, most passionate kiss ever. They smile at each other as they part. Then, they hear the sound of a ship's horn.  
All the castaways climb aboard the ship(except Ben and Kate, who are left to rot on the beach). Turns out, Penny was just being sarcastic! It WAS her ship, after all! Desmond kisses Penny, Charlie kisses Claire, Juliette kisses Jack, Jin kisses Sun, Sawyer kisses some random ship girl he doesn't know. Then, all the lovebirds hold hands, forming a cirle on the deck of the ship.

All Couples(singing): I love you

You love me

We're a happy family

With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you

Won't you say

"I love you, too"?

(Circle widens, allowing EVERYONE else to join in)

Everyone(singing):I love you

You love me

We're best friends

Like friends should be

With a great big hug

And a kiss from me to you

Won't you say

"I love...you...too"?

And the ship sails off into the sunset, taking everyone home

**THE END!**

Meanwhile...

Kate stares at Ben as an Other swoops down and frees him.

Kate(shouting): HEY! What about me?!?

Silence.

Kate(singing): All by myself

Don't wanna be

All by myself...

A rock thumps Kate in the head.

Ben(screaming): BE QUIET!!!!

Kate scowls.


End file.
